Homeopathy... surprise!

I walked out of the consult room after discussing a possible treatment plan for our patient with a constellation of symptoms. I was the assistant today and we were about to suggest some frightening laboratory tests

Angela rushed around the corner, her white coat filleted behind her. "Dr. Brigsby is looking all over for you!"

"Wha?" I turned around, as did my primary acting doctor, the resident and doctor, (who happens to be my hero).

"He's looking all over for you," she continued, out of breath, "You had an appointment and he's looking for you."

...
um...
I looked at my hero. A-a-a-awkward. Did I mention that I had just applied for his mentor shift for next year, which is extremely difficult to get? He grinned. Oh God, what does that mean.

So, I went back to the room trying to process, let go of my patient, (I'm only an assistant, but I'm still invested in my patients), decide between looking like an idoit for leaving the shift, (though now I wasn't necessary as that was our last patient), or completely inconsiderate by canceling an appointment that I had to be waitlisted on for a month and a half?

"Just go," whispered an upperclassman, "He doesn't care."

I asked if I could go and he said I wouldn't get the clinic hours for being there that day. I went downstairs, taking off my white coat and struggling to change into a patient.

Dr. Brigsby smiled warmly as I entered and apologized profusely, "These things happen, these things happen - go ahead and have a seat" He has a bushy well groomed beard and glasses that sit half way down his nose. "O.k., let's get started. What would you like to tell me?"

"...about me or why I'm here or..."

"Just tell me."

Ah yes, I know this strategy. Usually, a patient will tell you everything you need to know within the first 5 minutes if you just let them run with it. They'll cover most of the structured questions you would have asked and very often questions you wouldn't have thought to ask. For homeopathy, the things that are important are the aspects of life that the patient finds are emphasized in their mind. It's crucial to see how a patient looks at a situation.

So, I told him about seizures, night terrors, my triggers, what it feels like and the intense, worse-than-death terror that paralyzes me right before I lose consciousness. I told him about growing up in my non-ideal situations, but what I found surprising is that he didn't want to know what injustices happened to me but how I reacted to them, how I felt about them. He wanted to know about the bed I used to hide under and draw on the underside of the cardboard bottom. He wanted to know where I went to cry and why. He wanted to know about my dreams and fears.

With all my studies of homeopathy in a classroom setting, it was a LOT different than being a patient. It is quite a bit more uncomfortable to have someone asking you for the first time how you felt when things were going on and "tell me more about that". Ack! What? I've never thought of how I feel about that or why I reacted like that.

So, after a little over an hour he said, "O.k., I think I have enough. Anything else?" (Which I think was more of a polite gesture being that he already had enough information).

I headed back up to the conference room where I tried to become a student doctor again discussing how bananas inhibit phospholipase and are contraindicated (bad for) people with asthma as a result.

I'm keeping in mind that he will see enough of me to get the best constitutional remedy. To think anything else would be self destructive because I think in homeopathy a bit of intention involved.

I had Cake

O.k., this isn't the same cake - this one was from a few months back with some lovely wine and a chess game. What I had this time was a fatty piece of gluten saturated, sugary goodness with a mass amount of coffee. I was so depressed... I pretty much still am, but that was 'jump off a bridge light contemplation' mood.

I feel very overwhelmed. I opted for the cake over acupuncture because I forgot to make an appointment & it was just too much for me. Then my friend said, "You should go get acupuncture." Then it really didn't appeal to me.

It's funny - without Anna & Sarah investing their time and energy into me, it would be a lot easier for me just to quit this whole epilepsy cure thing and live like everyone else for a while with medication. But then, my 67 year old self wouldn't like that option. Just gotta work on self preservation at the same time as cure, if that makes any sense.

Acupuncture and Craniosacral Therapy

I had more acupuncture and Chinese herbs on Wednesday between work and classes. Sarah, my friend and student practitioner, needled different points under a different doctor. These hurt less. The first doctor was from China and this one is a Westerner. I felt like I communicated more with this one, but he looked at my tongue less.

I realized that I twitch when I have needles in me. I thought I may have been imagining it the first time, but it's quite apparent that something about the situation makes my body spasm. I try to imagine laying there without needles in me - same room and conditions - and I really don't think I'd twitch like that. You know when you're falling asleep and your limbs hop around a bit trying to test out if they're truly still attached. Probably happens more due to a lack of exercise; a silent musculoskeletal protest. Anyway, it's an interesting phenomenon.

On Friday, my good friend Anna gave me a cranial sacral & Swedish massage between classes and clinic. She's a professional masseuse and herbalist who ended up here on a quest to be a naturopathic physician. It's a sweet combination of life experience.

Cranial Sacral Therapy is a type of bodywork that I hadn't considered for my epilepsy cure regimen until she mentioned it.


Mind you, as with all therapies with the exception of medications, (which, I might add, YOU are a scientific experiment for being that most studies evaluate effects at 6-9 months & not long term to get on the market for cash flow), this one is disputed. You read a Wiki article on Craniosacral and you may notice "they say" statements. I find it disappointing that drugs that end up killing people do not express the same hypothetical-based language.



Anna was able to feel that my dura felt a bit tight. She's felt hundreds of bodies in her work as a massage therapist developing a skill of touch that one can't learn in the books of medical school, even naturopathic, as it takes time. I've watched brain surgeries before, the waves of cerebral spinal fluid pulsating with the beat of the aorta, and appreciate the need for adequate CSF circulation. She stretched my neck by curling her fingers around the base of my skull and just holding that tension. I felt my head sink closer to her fingers in about a minute and a half. It felt really nice AND a soft pop happened somewhere behind my face - likely in the sphenoid bone. Not sure what pulled that, but I'll buy that for a dollar.

Oh - and Anna spent an hour massaging me without any compensation. I have to figure out something to do for her, jeez.

Both of these therapies make it obvious to see how hard it is to shut my brain off. Thoughts of projects, how to thank the person giving me treatment, things to chat about, the future, the past and other random, "I wonder where they got that clock" thoughts are a constant barrage. It's obscene. Last night as I was falling asleep I heard chaos in my head - not true sound, but sort of the thought of sound. Stressful. I had to shut it off and focus on my belly breathing. So, I try to focus on the movement, healing each cell in my body through chemical and energetic mediators. It's a VERY different thing to concentrate on healing instead of everything else I have to do.

I've also started to walk or do yoga every morning. This one is slow going, lemme tell ya. I tape my medical school lectures, so I can justify the time walking. Yoga takes more focus though and I'm pretty much toppling over on a regular basis when attempting to contort my body and hold it there. Free though - better than money in a gym. I'm starting with 20-30 minutes.

So, the quest continues for my cure. I continue to palliate my issue with lamotrigine, but I've worked down to half the dose I'm supposed to be on; from 300mg to 150mg, in the last year. I was really disappointed when not a naturopath, homeopath or allopath would take me off of my medications, but I just recognized something - unlike my first neurologist who said he'd fire me as a patient if I came off of my medications, the doctors I'm seeing at the naturopathic college simply tell me not to and document like crazy that they said not to come off of my meds under their care. They still manage treating my entire body and mind as a unique case. If nothing more, they prevent further pathology and illness. In reality, I think the doctors there think I may be able to do it - depending on my individual case and motivation to change my lifestyle - but they have to cover their asses in this sue-happy world. Honestly, if they said 'yes, go ahead' and I had a seizure on a pitchfork I'd have to say that I was the one who went through with it. It's irresponsible to trust your doctor unconditionally - they're all human. They should never make decisions for you.

I believe I've never quite committed myself to making big changes to address the cause of my epilepsy. I lean on Lamictal because I like to drink occasionally, stay up late studying, eat whatever I want, turn away from mental/emotional issues I've accumulated and ignore what my body is trying to tell me is no good. I never made time until now. I'm getting more educated and motivated by the day. :)

Choppity

So I decided to continue my course, but then I did a very thoughtless, (or unconsciously purposeful), move. I didn't chop my pills in half! I was taking them this morning, feeling rather "normal" when I realized that for the past day I was taking 100mg, twice a day. Crap! Just automatic.

I like to fluctuate my blood levels of anticonvulsant medication. It's fun.

So, I made a conscious decision to take 3/4 pill for the next few weeks. That cuts me down by a very rough estimate of 50mg/day. I have to get through midterms anyway and that's a lot of stress.

Bummer.

Ugh.

I am so tired and down - just was reminded that I actually don't function like a regular human being. It's fun to pretend and all...

I tapered myself off another 100mgs. Fast taper, I know - maybe I should have waited a week to come down from 1 pill to 3/4 of a pill. I got impatient and lazy about chopping. If I knew it was going to chop the same quantity consistently, perhaps this would be more appealing.

My argument for discontinuing my medication, like most people with chronic medications for the brain, was that it isn't doing anything, it's expensive, provides inconvenient dependence and doesn't make you feel great. I don't have too many side effects, if at any, to complain about except for the fact that I know the pathways in the body that are effected by my drugs now. It's troublesome being dependent - like when I nearly got snowed in in Boston this year and didn't have a weeks worth of pills on me.

I went to a seminar today on natural treatments of women's cancers, came home and started to cook. Quaint, not a lot of stress. But as I tipped my head back to take a drink of my fiber detox concoction, ZAP!

I had brown chunky fiber all over my chest. I stood there in disbelief. I totally forgot about the myoclonis - the very thing I believe my doctor was actually treating. I kind of lumped it together; myoclonis was a step to the mac daddy. It's just a warning sign. As the brown liquid dripped slowly onto the kitchen floor, reality sunk in.

Usually, my myoclonis is subtle with an eerie feeling of wrongness. That means I should get back to bed or whatever and it's usually in the morning. This was entirely night time, not tired, feeling relaxed AND, the biggest part, it was not subtle. What if I spilled all over myself every day? What if I threw my laptop? What if I was driving along??

Sucks.

Maybe it's because:
I pushed the tapering too fast
I had plenty of sugar
I had plenty of coffee
I ate bread (gluten)
I got up early
I used a lot of brain power at the seminar

I... I... well, it wouldn't have happened if I were on my pills the way I have been for years and that I know. I was reminded today that these pills are doing something - even if it feels like I'm completely normal and they're the problem.

:(

So, I'm going to have some rose hip and peony root tea while I do a castor oil pack and think about my next move. I was so excited - a whole list of things, plans, etc. What a reminder.

I came to a disappointing conclusion the other day. No one will actually take me off of my medications. Maybe I have this opinion because I'm haunted by my juvenile experience with my neurologist who said I'd be on them for life. I'm probably overly sensitive to the 5 doctors who told me they wouldn't. Still, I have discovered that the majority of doctors, even those skilled with decades of healthcare behind them, will not take on the liability of a non-medicated Epileptic. It doesn't matter the type, circumstance or what have you. I am a convulsion waiting to happen. That is my very being.

SO, that's unfortunate. I thought, "o.k., I'm being impatient. I haven't been good about my diet, sleep, caffeine... well nothing's perfect. Maybe I will wait for all that."

Today I looked at my bank account though. I don't have $400 to refill my prescription. (One more reason for socialized healthcare, right? I strongly disagree) What I CAN do though, is buy a $12 tincture of herbs that work on the same neurotransmitter receptor. In order to have enough time for delivery of drugs (from our neighboring country) if I start convulsing again, I'm going to have to make a decision fast.

Against doctors orders, I previously cut down my meds by 100mg. That's significant because I was only on 300mg. Now I'm on 200mg, which is pretty tiny. Typical dose is 100-400mg WITH another type of anticonvulsant, which has shown a reduction in seizures in this study. I liked this assessment, which was geared at rejoicing for the fact that you can give a 2 year old more mind altering drugs as it is used as an adjunctive therapy to others. Now lets look at something though:

Now, that's great and all, but would you look at that placebo!!! Holy cow - does no one notice the power of the mind has 43% effect in lowering your seizures!

That's awesome. THE most natural medicine there is - our body/mind, doing it's thing.

This study gives me hope that with a little bit of nervine herbs and some good old fashioned belief, I can come off of my meds sooner than later.

Because of the reaction I received from people in my life, I have chosen not to tell them anymore. They know my intention at some point, but the last thing I need is for everyone to ask, "How are you doing today" while they eye me suspiciously for signs of death. I think that their thoughts really do impact the way things turn out - a massive intention experience. Perhaps it's just that I pick up on the tone in the air and my subconscious churns out doubt.

I'm going for it.

Inflammatory Remarks

Just a quick thought. We were talking about antidepressant in pharmacology class today and brain inflammation came up, (darned side effects). This inflammation on the brain can result in seizures - one drug in particular didn't just lower the seizure threshold of people with epilepsy who take the pill, but actually caused them due to toxicity.

I thought of when I heard that such a large percentage of people with neurological conditions improve with the removal of gluten. Now, by removing gluten, you're removing A LOT. You're taking out processed foods and eating more whole foods. Since grains are so limited, you're forced to eat more veggies and so on. Pretty soon, you've cut out many inflammatory foods. That is to say, the excess of foods & proteins that cause tiny immune reactions that add up over time.

Maybe the anti-inflammatory diet works because seizures can be a result of the inflammation a typical diet causes.