Thursday, February 18, 2010

I had Cake


O.k., this isn't the same cake - this one was from a few months back with some lovely wine and a chess game. What I had this time was a fatty piece of gluten saturated, sugary goodness with a mass amount of coffee. I was so depressed... I pretty much still am, but that was 'jump off a bridge light contemplation' mood.

I feel very overwhelmed. I opted for the cake over acupuncture because I forgot to make an appointment & it was just too much for me. Then my friend said, "You should go get acupuncture." Then it really didn't appeal to me.

It's funny - without Anna & Sarah investing their time and energy into me, it would be a lot easier for me just to quit this whole epilepsy cure thing and live like everyone else for a while with medication. But then, my 67 year old self wouldn't like that option. Just gotta work on self preservation at the same time as cure, if that makes any sense.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Acupuncture and Craniosacral Therapy

I had more acupuncture and Chinese herbs on Wednesday between work and classes. Sarah, my friend and student practitioner, needled different points under a different doctor. These hurt less. The first doctor was from China and this one is a Westerner. I felt like I communicated more with this one, but he looked at my tongue less.

I realized that I twitch when I have needles in me. I thought I may have been imagining it the first time, but it's quite apparent that something about the situation makes my body spasm. I try to imagine laying there without needles in me - same room and conditions - and I really don't think I'd twitch like that. You know when you're falling asleep and your limbs hop around a bit trying to test out if they're truly still attached. Probably happens more due to a lack of exercise; a silent musculoskeletal protest. Anyway, it's an interesting phenomenon.

On Friday, my good friend Anna gave me a cranial sacral & Swedish massage between classes and clinic. She's a professional masseuse and herbalist who ended up here on a quest to be a naturopathic physician. It's a sweet combination of life experience.

Cranial Sacral Therapy is a type of bodywork that I hadn't considered for my epilepsy cure regimen until she mentioned it.


Mind you, as with all therapies with the exception of medications, (which, I might add, YOU are a scientific experiment for being that most studies evaluate effects at 6-9 months & not long term to get on the market for cash flow), this one is disputed. You read a Wiki article on Craniosacral and you may notice "they say" statements. I find it disappointing that drugs that end up killing people do not express the same hypothetical-based language.



Anna was able to feel that my dura felt a bit tight. She's felt hundreds of bodies in her work as a massage therapist developing a skill of touch that one can't learn in the books of medical school, even naturopathic, as it takes time. I've watched brain surgeries before, the waves of cerebral spinal fluid pulsating with the beat of the aorta, and appreciate the need for adequate CSF circulation. She stretched my neck by curling her fingers around the base of my skull and just holding that tension. I felt my head sink closer to her fingers in about a minute and a half. It felt really nice AND a soft pop happened somewhere behind my face - likely in the sphenoid bone. Not sure what pulled that, but I'll buy that for a dollar.

Oh - and Anna spent an hour massaging me without any compensation. I have to figure out something to do for her, jeez.

Both of these therapies make it obvious to see how hard it is to shut my brain off. Thoughts of projects, how to thank the person giving me treatment, things to chat about, the future, the past and other random, "I wonder where they got that clock" thoughts are a constant barrage. It's obscene. Last night as I was falling asleep I heard chaos in my head - not true sound, but sort of the thought of sound. Stressful. I had to shut it off and focus on my belly breathing. So, I try to focus on the movement, healing each cell in my body through chemical and energetic mediators. It's a VERY different thing to concentrate on healing instead of everything else I have to do.

I've also started to walk or do yoga every morning. This one is slow going, lemme tell ya. I tape my medical school lectures, so I can justify the time walking. Yoga takes more focus though and I'm pretty much toppling over on a regular basis when attempting to contort my body and hold it there. Free though - better than money in a gym. I'm starting with 20-30 minutes.

So, the quest continues for my cure. I continue to palliate my issue with lamotrigine, but I've worked down to half the dose I'm supposed to be on; from 300mg to 150mg, in the last year. I was really disappointed when not a naturopath, homeopath or allopath would take me off of my medications, but I just recognized something - unlike my first neurologist who said he'd fire me as a patient if I came off of my medications, the doctors I'm seeing at the naturopathic college simply tell me not to and document like crazy that they said not to come off of my meds under their care. They still manage treating my entire body and mind as a unique case. If nothing more, they prevent further pathology and illness. In reality, I think the doctors there think I may be able to do it - depending on my individual case and motivation to change my lifestyle - but they have to cover their asses in this sue-happy world. Honestly, if they said 'yes, go ahead' and I had a seizure on a pitchfork I'd have to say that I was the one who went through with it. It's irresponsible to trust your doctor unconditionally - they're all human. They should never make decisions for you.

I believe I've never quite committed myself to making big changes to address the cause of my epilepsy. I lean on Lamictal because I like to drink occasionally, stay up late studying, eat whatever I want, turn away from mental/emotional issues I've accumulated and ignore what my body is trying to tell me is no good. I never made time until now. I'm getting more educated and motivated by the day. :)