Reckless

O.k., this is reckless even by my standards... but I am now taking 25mg once a day. I feel strange and last night I could tell that my levels had dropped and my brain was tired. I had that light headed feeling and was borderline twitchy for a brief period of time. My only want is that if I have a seizure, I not do it in a bad place.

My baby's neural tube is developing right... now.

Granted, I'm not taking a cocktail of drugs and I'm no longer on dilantin - lamotrigine seems pretty harmless in comparison, but I'm not chancing it.

I made an appointment for a neurologist next week. I'm hoping to tell her that Ive successfully come off of my meds nearly entirely by then (25mg left). That way, she won't have to worry about me suing her or the additional liability. I know that game. Sometimes I'm really happy when patients slowly take themselves off their meds as I treat them when I don't feel like the benefit outweighs the risks. If she's not so happy about it, maybe it will prove that I don't need to be on them... because I'll go off of them with or without her approval - I'm nearly a doctor myself and we can be the most annoying patients.

The tincture I'm taking for brain nourishment:

• Bacopa Monnieri (also used to prevent miscarriage - bonus)
• Centella asiatica
• Ginko biloba
• Hypericum perforatum (great for enhancing serotonin as I come off lamotrigine, which is also used for bipolar and could give me a little mood change)
• Rosemary - this is something I had in the tincture before I knew I was pregnant. Rosemary in high amounts causes uterine contractions and can theoretically cause miscarriage. It's an herb that got a totally bad rap for this and now women get all frightened to even eat it. I estimate that I get 6 drops of concentrated rosemary every time I take a dose, which isn't much. I seriously doubt my body will give up a baby even if it causes increased tone. The carnosic acid in Rosemary will shield my brain from free radicals that may be developing with the stress and abnormal brain activity I felt last night.

I'm taking the tincture 60 drops twice a day with a straight bacopa tincture 30 drops in the middle of the day. Nearly every herb is contraindicated in pregnancy by default in America, but I really think that's poor logic. Just because it's a plant doesn't mean it can't cause harm, but I'm doing my best to support my brain as I come off the meds that I KNOW cause harm. People have been taking herbs as medicine for thousands of years & my research hasn't found solid evidence to not take them.

Avoiding sugar and eating real food is going well. Gluten, not so much. Let me graduate first. I don't eat a lot of bread products, but eliminating small amounts of gluten found in everything from powerbars to the glue in tea bags is going to take some time.

Staying focused and getting things done to graduate... not going all that great...