I came to a disappointing conclusion the other day. No one will actually take me off of my medications. Maybe I have this opinion because I'm haunted by my juvenile experience with my neurologist who said I'd be on them for life. I'm probably overly sensitive to the 5 doctors who told me they wouldn't. Still, I have discovered that the majority of doctors, even those skilled with decades of healthcare behind them, will not take on the liability of a non-medicated Epileptic. It doesn't matter the type, circumstance or what have you. I am a convulsion waiting to happen. That is my very being.

SO, that's unfortunate. I thought, "o.k., I'm being impatient. I haven't been good about my diet, sleep, caffeine... well nothing's perfect. Maybe I will wait for all that."

Today I looked at my bank account though. I don't have $400 to refill my prescription. (One more reason for socialized healthcare, right? I strongly disagree) What I CAN do though, is buy a $12 tincture of herbs that work on the same neurotransmitter receptor. In order to have enough time for delivery of drugs (from our neighboring country) if I start convulsing again, I'm going to have to make a decision fast.

Against doctors orders, I previously cut down my meds by 100mg. That's significant because I was only on 300mg. Now I'm on 200mg, which is pretty tiny. Typical dose is 100-400mg WITH another type of anticonvulsant, which has shown a reduction in seizures in this study. I liked this assessment, which was geared at rejoicing for the fact that you can give a 2 year old more mind altering drugs as it is used as an adjunctive therapy to others. Now lets look at something though:

Now, that's great and all, but would you look at that placebo!!! Holy cow - does no one notice the power of the mind has 43% effect in lowering your seizures!

That's awesome. THE most natural medicine there is - our body/mind, doing it's thing.

This study gives me hope that with a little bit of nervine herbs and some good old fashioned belief, I can come off of my meds sooner than later.

Because of the reaction I received from people in my life, I have chosen not to tell them anymore. They know my intention at some point, but the last thing I need is for everyone to ask, "How are you doing today" while they eye me suspiciously for signs of death. I think that their thoughts really do impact the way things turn out - a massive intention experience. Perhaps it's just that I pick up on the tone in the air and my subconscious churns out doubt.

I'm going for it.